I always shudder at the thought of writing a column.

What could I possibly say that would engage the reader?

Four months ago, my life changed when BJ Murphy hired me at Neuse News.

Before that glorious afternoon this past August, my world had been turned upside down, inside out and flipped backward with the passing of my dad and my mom in 2018. They died 8 1/2 months within each other.

This is the second holiday season without them.

And the 12th without my only brother, who passed away in 2008.

Needless to say, this time of year is definitely emotional for me. I've avoided parades, dodged shopping and barely celebrated the yuletide associated with Thanksgiving and Christmas.

Don't label me a Scrooge, though.

I'm humbly thankful for what I have.

I'm undoubtedly grateful to BJ, who helped revive the writer inside of me and stretched me way beyond my comfort zone.

Yet, there's a large hole in my heart and a deep void within my soul.

Some of you reading this will understand what I'm trying to say.

Others may not.

Accepting change is not easy.

Life goes on and we face adversity every day. How we choose to handle it defines our character, and gives us the courage and strength to move forward.

I've taken small steps. I'm not embarrassed to say that I've shed many tears and endured countless sleepless nights along the way. I'm not so sure about the courage part, but I've been blessed with family and friends - old and new - who have helped guide me through some extremely dark and rough times.

My wonderful parents and brother are gone.

Great memories remain.

It's a celebration of life that will grow more meaningful over time.

Maybe then my heart won't ache as much and my soul will begin to heal.