Yesterday I spent over 30 minutes making a doctor's appointment. When I went online to get the phone number (who has a yellow pages anymore?), I was prompted to contact the appointment clerk with a quick email. Several hours later, the clerk texted a response that included her phone number. Dialing, that number led me to an automated voice which told me all the doctor’s hours, credentials, awards, and areas of specialization. After this 3-minute “infomercial,” I waited for “the next assistant to answer.” Finally, a human voice. But her first words were, “Can I put you on hold?” After another 3 or 4 minute infomercial and a bit of unpleasant music, I got a live human office clerk. She couldn’t set up the appointment without my insurance information. I was ready with my insurance card, but it didn’t have the special name of the plan I’m on (“Is it Visotek, or EyeDot or perhaps EVP?” she asked me). She then told me to call my insurance company, find out the plan name, and call her back. 

Of course, the insurance company automated voice answer machine gave me their 3-minute spiel before connecting to a live human voice. The very helpful insurance clerk gave me the “magic” plan brand name and asked me to remain on the line for a 3-question survey. She had been so nice and efficient. I did so. Then back to phoning the doctor's office. More automated voice, more infomercial, then “can you hold please” and jangly music. Finally, the human answered. She, too, was pleasant and helpful. But to book an appointment, she needed all my insurance information, including Medicare, my Social Security number, and my husband’s Social Security number (the plan is in his name). After I read to her at least 96 digits, we got around to making a time for my appointment. As humorist Dave Barry would say, “I am not making this up.” 

Bidding good day to the doctor’s clerk, I remarked, “You know, in 1981, if I needed a doctor appointment, I looked up the number in the phone book, called and got a receptionist, agreed on an appointment date and time, thanked her, and hung up—in 4 minutes or less.” She chuckled.

Technology is not all bad. But it’s not all good, either. From self-serve check outs to auto appointment booking, the techno approach often has me the customer doing the work, taking more of my time and trouble for the privilege of spending my dollar. 

Businesses, wake up! We need some customer service out here on Aisle 9. Send a real human—please.