Jon Dawson: Fictional tragedy unites millions

All the world’s problems apparently solved as country outraged by fictional character and her bicycle. / Screenshot from Peloton.

Last week the United States was rattled by a tragedy that sent millions into a panic. It wasn't the humanitarian disasters in Syria, Yemen or Venezuela, nor was it any of the domestic problems involving crime, Wall Street or Kylie Jenner.

What upset, triggered and knotted up so many (to the point that it was covered by all major networks during the evening news) was a commercial about an exercise bike. That's not a feeble attempt at a joke, that's the truth. If you don't believe me, watch the YouTube clip below:

There's a lot going on in that clip. Of particular interest to me was the way most of the commentators went out of their way not to say the word "husband", which is apparently some sort of verbal kryptonite. Don’t worry, I'm not going to take to social media to complain about it. Why? Because like most of you reading this, I have a life.

It's become fashionable (if not a little lazy) for writers who have a few paragraphs to fill each week to lambast the Millenials. If you're not familiar with the current baggage associated with the term "Millenial" (and you're living a blessed existence you aren't), Wikipedia (how Generation X of me) describes this group as "also known as Generation Y, Millenials are the demographic cohort following Generation X and preceding Generation Z".

That's a fairly clinical definition to be sure, but I'm a little concerned about this whole Generation Z thing...what comes after Z?

When I was a kid I'd hear adults use the phrase "those people really need something to worry about", and boy did this Peloton commercial bring that message into clear focus. As it turns out, many people do need something to worry about.

As for the ad itself, it is a little odd. Why would someone so petite be so excited about an exercise bike? Was she simply exercising to feel better, or was her husband (there, I said it) telling her she wasn't skinny enough?

To paraphrase Lewis Black, on the list of things that keep me up at night, this commercial is on page 89, just below people who take too long to order at a drive-thru and just above those sandal stickers on the back of cars that have bewildered me for years. Are the sandals a form of protest against the powerful sock lobby or just a way to show general disdain for closed-toe footwear?

While it's becoming hacky to trash Millenials, I have to say, you folks may want to crank it down a notch - especially with all this "OK, Boomer" business.

I know it seems you're much smarter than your parents, but the fact of the matter is you came along when smartphones were introduced. What many of you are mistaking for superior intellect is simply the ability to scroll your thumb along a touchscreen faster than someone with diminishing eyesight and carpal tunnel syndrome - two conditions brought on no doubt while they were earning money to buy those phones for you.  

No adult with normal life responsibilities has the time to spend days down the rabbit hole of every issue known to man. It's hard to research the lineage of a multi-decade issue while driving from your full-time job to your part-time job, helping your kid with math homework that would scare Stephen Hawking while simultaneously maintaining a household. That's not to say your conscious is flipped off when the progression of life fills your schedule, but it does make it impossible to remain up-to-the-second-informed about everything 24hrs a day.

Don't get me wrong, the internet is a magnificent tool when used properly. That being said, simply re-Tweeting or sharing an article with an interesting headline that you didn't have time to read because you wanted to see which voice filter your friends were using that night on Snapchat doesn't make you a genius. I'll bet you an R.C. and a Moon Pie that millions of people who saw that Peloton commercial didn't notice anything wrong until they saw someone complain about it online. 

As for the first person who complained about the commercial, are they hyper-woke or just in need of a mortgage?

I'm the Mayor of Simpleton, but even I noticed something was Stepford-like about the commercial immediately. Am I being a Generation X slacker by not making a stand, or does the energy it takes to properly worry about my own responsibilities supersede my concern for a fictional character in a commercial for a product I won't be purchasing? 

Sorry for all the question marks this week...they were on sale.

Jon Dawson's columns are published weekly by Neuse News. Contact Jon at jon@neusenews.com and www.jondawson.com.