All tagged jon dawson
At least once a month I hook up all of the family phones to a laptop and extract the photos. I seem to be alone in this, as most people store their photos in some magical cloud that Steve Jobs tethered to the Apple corporate headquarters in Cupertino, CA. By the way, has anyone else noticed the weather started to get crazy around the time the Apple iCloud was introduced in 2011? Mother Nature doesn't seem to be fond of selfies.
Correai's issue was down to tissue. He and his bride live in Apex, which is the Latin word for "no toilet paper". They weren't in emergency status yet, but after a week of trying to shore up their supply came up short, I was asked if I could find any in Kinston. Since Correai is a Level 3/Pop-Tart/shovel friend, I jumped at the chance to help.
Last Tuesday I walked in the door and the first thing I hear is "I don't think anything is broken".
At this point, even the nuttiest cashew in the jar would have immediately given up their quest for a Varsity hot dog, no matter how great Lewis Grizzard made them sound. But not Earl.
On Saturday I received a letter that had the potential to change the course of my life, the lives of my loved ones, and the lives of those freeloading, barnacle-like friends of mine who are always asking me to cosign for them.
I approached Today Show weatherman Al Roker at an outdoor taping and asked if it was true that he owned stock in Sunbeam bread and Maola milk. Within seconds, Al's security team escorted me to the NBC gift shop. I was coerced into signing a non-disclosure agreement and given a free "juice" flask bearing the likeness of Kathie Lee and Hoda.
I was drawn into Tar Heel basketball at an early age through the Voice of the Tar Heels Woody Durham. As many of you may know, Durham could make drying paint sound compelling. I'm also a fan of his successor Jones Angell, who along with his partner Eric Montross has made even this abysmal season nearly digestible.
We were watching Jeopardy (I refuse to add the exclamation point), and there was a question about scissors. This prompted The Wife to look up the history of scissors on her phone, which for some reason annoyed our 15-year-old daughter to no end.
"I can't say anything without starting an investigation!" she said
Burroughs has won the Lenoir County Demolition Derby a record 17 times, four of which were without the use of a vehicle.
The first time I was in charge of setting up the tree I had to cram a few dozen issues of Toothpick Collector magazine and a high-heeled shoe under one leg of the stand to keep everything level. One year after removing the tree skirt our oldest daughter thought the dozens of magazines were presents from Santa that we'd missed.
Last week the United States was rattled by a tragedy that sent millions into a panic. It wasn't the humanitarian disasters in Syria, Yemen or Venezuela, nor was it any of the domestic problems involving crime, Wall Street or Kylie Jenner.
What upset, triggered and knotted up so many (to the point that it was covered by all major networks during the evening news) was a commercial about an exercise bike.
When we started having kids, The Wife and I stopped buying gifts for one another and focused on the kids, but we still put a few things in each other's Christmas stockings. Every year I look forward to taking my two Tax Deductions shopping to find a few things for The Wife's Christmas stocking and maybe stumble onto something they'd like for themselves. Our youngest is still into it, but the 15-year-old is becoming a little too cool for school.
I've never really pined for the days of my youth, and I've always looked forward to birthdays. If I understand the concept of birthdays correctly, the goal is to keep having them.
In a matter of days, many Americans will gather to give thanks for their blessings. A few hours after that, many of those same Americans will push, shove and trample their way to holiday savings.
"The scratching sound generated by people not picking up their feet confuses the birds and interrupts their migration to warmer climates for the winter," said Theodore Nugent of the Autobahn Society. "These swans need to be heading south, not looking for love at a Walmart."
