Jon Dawson: Lenoir County artist headed to Milan
T.D. No. 2 (with Cheetos) fields offers from interested buyers at the La Grange Arts Council on Sunday. Photo by Jon Dawson / Neuse News
The Wife, the Tax Deductions and I attended a very special event at the La Grange Arts Council on Sunday afternoon.
From left, The Wife, T.D. No. 2 and T.D. No. 1 enjoying the exhibition at the La Grange Arts Council. Photo by Jon Dawson / Neuse News
Earlier last week, I came home to find a letter sent home from school regarding T.D. No. 2'. If we're being honest here, this letter could have gone either way — it might have referenced a scholastic achievement or a bench warrant.
A few hours later, I summoned the courage to read the letter:
"Your child's artwork has been selected to represent La Grange Elementary School in a student art show at the La Grange Arts Council. The art show will be on display through the end of April and will feature student artwork from surrounding schools in the area."
I was engulfed by waves of relief after realizing we wouldn't have to uproot and slip out of town in the middle of the night (again) due to T.D. No. 2's shenanigans. My mellow was only slightly harshed by the U-Haul representative informing me I couldn't get my deposit back.
T.D. No. 2 has shown signs of artistic promise in the past, most notably in this tribute to Bob Ross she painted last year:
T.D. No. 2’s tribute to Bob Ross from 2018. Photo by Jon Dawson / Neuse News
T.D. No. 2 standing under her masterwork ‘Northern Lights.’ Photo by Jon Dawson / Neuse News
The La Grange Arts Council was abuzz with activity when we arrived. T.D. No. 2 greeted her admirers with understated grace, stopping to sign autographs and posing for pictures for people who in many cases hadn't asked for either.
Those who requested interviews were referred to T.D. No. 1, who'd been deputized as T.D. No. 2's publicist over breakfast.
To put it succinctly, T.D. No. 2 was one beret short of becoming a respected artist.
The artwork that pulled our second born into the art world Illuminati was her rendition of the Northern Lights. I'd seen a photo of this piece months ago via a cellphone photo, but being in the same room with it was thrilling.
Also thrilling was watching the artist eat the complimentary Cheeto puffs and powdered donuts provided at the exhibition without turning her dress into an art project.
My knowledge of the art world isn't vast. The first time I played music in New York, my band played on the roof of an art gallery run by a married couple. The husband was a native New Yorker, but the wife was from South Carolina.
Over the years she'd shed most of her accent, but after talking to me for a few minutes her southern twang returned with a vengeance, causing her husband to run through the streets of the East Village in search of either a linguistics coach or divorce attorney.
TD#2 enjoys some houre d'oeuvres - Photo by Jon Dawson / Neuse News
Later that evening, a writer for the New York Times asked if we were going to so-and-so's loft later to see the work he'd brought back from Milan. I told the very nice lady the only lofts I'd ever encountered were filled with sheets of tobacco, and for us to take a cab to this guy's place we'd have to sell the clothes we were wearing to get there.
"Oh, you can ride with us," she said. "We have a company car service."
Once we arrived at this "artist's loft", you could cut the pretentiousness with a knife. The paintings on display looked like someone had microwaved a box of crayons onto a paper plate.
Earlier in the week, we'd been lucky enough to see some great paintings in Tribeca and Soho, but this guy's stuff was less artistic than the diagram that shows you how to put batteries in a flashlight.
Our Sunday visit to the La Grange Arts Council was a good bit of fun, and it was great to see children express themselves artistically. T.D. No. 2 enjoyed seeing the different types of art on display and started three or four new projects in the car on our way home.
She's currently going through an owl phase, which may or may not be the result of us seeing one land on a stop sign last year.
More importantly, if you'd like to purchase some T.D. No. 2 art before she becomes the toast of Milan, contact me via the email address listed below. Our prices are reasonable, each work is autographed by the artist and she'd love to share a plate of Cheetos with you.
Jon Dawson's humor columns are published weekly by Neuse News. Contact Jon at jon@neusenews.com and www.jondawson.com.
