Mike Parker: Guidance wall gives sound advice
I went by North Lenoir High School last Tuesday to pick up applications for the Wheat Swamp Ruritan Club college scholarship. The purpose of the scholarship is to assist young men and women to secure formal training beyond high school. The scholarship committee assesses financial need, character, academic promise, school and community activities, and an applicant’s desire for furthering his or her education.
I have told students for years that college will give them a dream education – it will cost more than they ever dreamed it would.
I entered the guidance office to pick up the applications and took a seat. I noticed four signs lined up vertically on the wall. The words were simple but offered profound advice. At the top was a sign that said: “Say something NICE.” I generally do not use the word “nice.” In fact, I give my writing students a list of words and phrases on a tombstone called the RIP list. These words and phrases are never to appear in the final draft of a paper.
But I also understood the intent of “Say something NICE.” Some meanings of “nice” are pleasing, agreeable, or delightful. Nice can also convey a person who is amiably pleasant and kind.
We live in a world where too many people actively seek a chance to tear others down – to discourage and humiliate them. Some disguise this unkindness in words like “I am just trying to be honest.” I do not think honesty and kindness are mutually exclusive.
The second sign said: “Do what is RIGHT.” At its heart, the word right means behaviors in accordance with what is good, proper, or just. Right behavior conforms to fact, reason, truth, or a standard or principle. The standard I use to measure whether something is right is what most people call the Golden Rule: “As you would have others do unto you, even so do unto them.” Jesus called this rule, expressed in “love your neighbor as yourself,” the second greatest commandment.
Too often, we use a double standard to measure the behavior of others – and our own behavior. Things we would not want done to us – or said to us – are the things we do and say to others. We are quick to condemn the behavior of others, and we are just as quick to justify our own lapses into bad behavior.
The next sign said: “THINK before you SPEAK.” I have no doubt some people say horrible things to others because they want to hurt them. They speak with malice aforethought and vicious intent. But even more just never stop to think about how the words coming out of their mouths are going to impact someone else. The best message given in poorly chosen words can come across as hurtful.
How many people speak when angry – never weighing the impact of the words they use? How many people are careless and thoughtless? Some do not even realize the damage they have done until they observe the reaction of the person they are addressing – and see the devastation etched on their faces and in their body language.
This principle is especially true when it comes to how parents and teachers speak to the children and young people in their charge. Too many adults are haunted by the ghosts of words said to them when they were children. The sage who said, “Words can never hurt me” must have never been stung by the words of a parent or trusted adult mentor.
The bottom sign on the wall said: “FOCUS.” “Focus” was not placed last because focus is the least important lesson. Focus is at the bottom because it serves as the foundation for all the other exhortations. We generally fail to be nice when we lose focus. We fail to do right when we lose focus. We fail to think before we speak when we lose focus.
Focus implies giving close attention and concentration. If we want what we say and what we do to be beneficial to others, we need to pay attention and maintain concentration – in short, to focus.
I received the applications and left. But those four exhortations stayed with me: “Say something NICE,” “Do what is RIGHT,” “THINK before you SPEAK,” and “FOCUS.”
Mike Parker is a columnist for the Neuse News. You can reach him at mparker16@gmail.com.
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